Getting divorced doesn't mean you have failed

In the words of Nelson Mandela, “There is no fail. Only learn.” If your marriage has ended, that doesn’t mean you or the marriage are failures. 

Fear of failure is something that so many of my clients worry about. They worry that they have failed their children, themselves, their other halves and they also worry that other people will see them as failures.

We have been conditioned to believe that there is only pass or fail in life and the reality is that life isn’t binary. It’s not one thing or the other. A marriage that ends in divorce isn’t a failure. 

I encourage my clients to look back at their marriage and remember the good times, the day you met your spouse, the children you raised, the laughter, the memories. Because there will be lots to look back on and cherish. Are they moments of failure? Of course not.  

I also tell them that we should fear regret more than failure. If you were unhappy in your marriage didn’t you owe it to yourself, and your other half, to release and find your path of happiness?

Failure is growth. We learn just as much about ourselves from the things that didn’t go to plan. 

Here are three tips to help you overcome feeling like a failure:

1. Ask yourself what you have learnt about yourself during the divorce process. 
2. Create a plan for moving forward. Once you’ve identified your mistakes and your learnings you can start making a plan for moving forward.
3. Accept an accurate level of responsibility for the divorce. Taking on too much may cause you to unnecessarily blame yourself. But blaming others, or circumstances will prevent you from learning from it.