The importance of connection

For most people, loneliness that occurs after a divorce or break-up is temporary and part of the grieving and healing process. We might find that our friendship groups shrink or that some people just don’t know what to say to us anymore. And of course we might be living alone for the first time in many years.

It’s important to remember that feeling lonely is not the same as being alone. Being alone might be just what we need sometimes. As an introvert I cherish the time I have on my own because it's a chance to recharge my batteries. But I also need to spend time with other people.

Humans need connection. We are social animals. Research has shown that social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems. If we don’t connect, we could be putting our health at risk. 

Here are five ways you can deal with loneliness after divorce:

1. Join a group for divorced people. You're not alone. Therapy groups offer an opportunity to get help, understanding, and insight from others who are going through a similar experience.

1. Find a hobby. Join a choir, a book club or even the gym. Volunteering is also a great way to connect with others. 
2. Find a new routine. If you lived with your spouse or partner, it’s likely you had a regular everyday routine. The longer the relationship or marriage, the more ingrained that day-to-day routine likely became. Create a new routine that works for you.
3. Do things for you. Try to make time to do a couple of things everyday just for you. Maybe you’d enjoy a walk, a bubble bath, some yoga, reading a good book, or listening to your favourite music. 
4. Accept your feelings of post-relationship loneliness: You’ve suddenly lost someone important in your life. They are physically gone, as well as emotionally. You may feel disconnected and alienated from others, as well. While you grieve and heal from your divorce or break up you may experience periods of loneliness that can be a common part of the process in moving forward.

But please remember, if your feelings of loneliness start to impact your wellbeing please speak to a GP or other health practitioner. Don’t suffer in silence.