Why you should never apologise for who you are

Life lesson number 233: You can’t control how people treat you

One of my biggest learnings from my relationship breakdown and divorce was how I respond to people who bother me or appear not to like me. Old me would worry constantly about being judged, about whether people liked me or not and I would try and please everyone which meant I dialed down me. I was a people pleaser. 

It took me a long time to let go of those feelings but once I did, I felt liberated. 

Read this and then read it again: 

You can’t control how some people will treat you or what they say about you. But you can control how you react to it. 

When my ex husband told me he didn’t love me anymore my instant reaction was “why, what have I done?” I thought that I could change my behaviour, become the person he was looking for. Essentially change who I was.

So many of the women I work with tell me similar stories and we often spend a lot of time talking about it. I always tell them the same thing. Why would you change who you are to fit someone else’s mould? 

I remind them that their ex had obviously loved them dearly for who they were in the past and that they are still that person. THEY hadn’t changed, their ex had. 

If your ex tells you that they don’t love you anymore, it’s not about you. It’s NEVER about you. It’s about them. 

If a work colleague doesn’t treat you well, it’s not you. The parent at the school gate who gives you a dirty look every time they see you? Their issue, not yours. Your in-laws always treated you like an outsider. THEM.

Never change to please someone. Change because you want to, because you can see behaviour in you that YOU don’t like. Never apologise for who you are.