10 tips on how to restart your life after being blindsided by breakup

Being blindsided by the end of a relationship is one of the worst things that can happen to you. The life that knew is cruelly taken away from you by the person you loved and trusted most in the world.

It might not feel like you can rebuild your life when you are in the middle of this emotionally draining time but you absolutely can. Here are my tips to help you move and start the next chapter of your life.

1. Feel your feelings: It's OK to feel heartbroken, angry, confused – these are normal emotions and you need to own them. Bottling them up only prolongs the healing process and can have a huge impact on your mental health. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, coach or therapist, or even creative outlets like painting or music can be powerful tools to express and process your feelings. Find what works for you and accept that in order to move on, you have to process the emotions you're feeling right now.

2. Take care of you: In the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, neglecting yourself is so easy. But self-care is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing foods, and exercise regularly - you don't need to join a gym, a simple walk is enough. These habits will create a strong foundation of emotional and physical well-being which you will need in order to move on. 

3. Talk to your support network: Lean on the people who love and support you – friends, family, a therapist, or coach, even a support group specifically for women going through divorce or separation. Talking it out releases pent-up emotions and allows you to receive much-needed encouragement and love. It's always good to talk.

4. Redefine who you are: For many women, their identity gets intertwined with their partner. Now's the time to rediscover who you are as an individual. Reconnect with passions you may have neglected, explore new hobbies, or revisit old interests. What makes you happy and brings you joy? What did love to do when you were younger? Can you do it again?

5. Create healthy boundaries: This is especially important if you have children and co-parenting arrangements. Set clear communication boundaries with your ex regarding child custody, finances, and overall interaction. If you know that seeing your ex will only make you upset limit the amounf of time you see them and only contact them about child-related issues. It's a good idea to unfollow them on social media so the temptation to look at the feeds is taken away.

6. Say "no" more: You may feel overwhelmed with decisions and requests. It's ok to say "no" to additional burdens or social events that don't nourish you. Prioritise activities that support your healing and well-being. If your ex wants to swap a child-care weekend and you have plans, even if it is to rest, say no. Focus on you.

7. Financial independence: Whether you were financially intertwined with your ex or not, take stock of your financial situation. This might involve reviewing bank statements, credit card balances, and insurance policies. Consider creating a budget to track income and expenses. There are many resources available online and through financial institutions to help you gain financial literacy and build a secure future.

8. Celebrate every win: Rebuilding your life is a marathon, not a sprint. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Did you finally clean out that the cupboard of doom? Did you try a new recipe and loved it? Recognise these wins – they fuel your motivation and confidence.

9. Embrace new experiences: Step outside your comfort zone. Take a solo trip, sign up for a course, volunteer for a cause you care about. New experiences not only broaden your horizons but also connect you with like-minded individuals. They will also help you become more confident.

10. To date or not to date? That is the question: There's no right or wrong answer to this but remember - don't rush into new relationships to seek validation. Take time to heal, rediscover yourself, and understand what you truly want from a partner before venturing back into the dating scene. If you rush back into dating there is a huge risk of ending up getting hurt or settling for a relationship that's not good for you.

Healing from heartbreak will take time - Iis not going to happen overnight but it will happen. There might be a few bumpy patches along the way but that's OK and normal. 

Keep going. You can do this.